Nightmare Party
by KeepingUpDisappearances
Summary: Determined to outrival Cam Winston, Frasier hosts what hopes will be the Halloween party of the year. However, Eddie, Roz, and Bulldog threaten to derail everything.
1. Eddie vs Frasier

_I promised myself I'd try to go easy on the Frasier fan fics but this idea popped into my head for Halloween. This will be a three part episode, one part per day through Halloween!_

 _This is set in Season 6 but does not tie into any particular episode(s)._

* * *

"I can't believe how hard it was to find a pantsuit in a big city like this!" Roz said dramatically, collapsing into a chair at Café Nervosa. She hung a long garment bag over the back of chair and sighed tiredly.

Frasier, sitting on the opposite side of the table, looked askance at his producer. A pantsuit was the last thing he'd expect this wild, hot-headed woman to wear. Aside from the professional clothes she wore at work, most of her wardrobe accented her body—or left little to the imagination at all.

"If you want to know, it's part of my costume for your Halloween party," Roz snapped, as if she could read his mind. "You said the theme is historical people, so I'm going as—,"

"Hillary Clinton," Frasier guessed suddenly.

Roz grinned. "I know, I'm nothing like Hillary Clinton, but that's what's fun about Halloween. It's the only time you can pretend to be someone else and not get laughed at. Well, I guess I'd better go. Alice's babysitter is at her wit's end with Alice suddenly turning colicky."

 **x**

When Frasier returned to his apartment that afternoon, the sight that met his eyes him left him momentarily speechless. Eddie barked his greetings, as usual, but today the terrier was wearing an outlandish costume. On Eddie's back was a miniature saddle and on each foot was a hoof-shaped boot. A clip-on horse tail completed the look.

Martin walked in just in time to see Frasier's dubious expression.

"I know you think Eddie looks stupid," Martin said, rolling his eyes, "but before you say anything, I thought it would be great for your Halloween party. I'm going as George Washington. Eddie will be George Washington's horse!"

"Surely you don't think I'm going to have _that dog_ out during the party?" Frasier exclaimed. "I am _wounded!_ My party _must_ be perfect! I have a reputation, you know!"

"Aw, jeez," Martin grumbled. "You and your 'reputation'. Why can't you just be _fun_ once in a while?"

"Oh, all right," Frasier said irritably. "Eddie can stay, but he has to behave!"

"He'll be a perfect gentleman…or dog," Martin said.

The day of the party dawned, and Frasier wasted no time in fussing over every detail. Martin watched in mild annoyance as Frasier scuttled about, wiping up a tiny spot of dirt on the floor and a barely noticeable smudge on the window. Meticulously he smoothed out a tiny wrinkle in the orange silk cloth that adorned the wine table. Last of all, he wiped a smattering of dust off his Chihuly glass vase.

"Oh, for God's sake, Fras', you're going to make yourself crazy fussing like that," Martin snapped.

"Well, I wouldn't have to 'fuss' if Daphne paid a little more attention to detail!" Frasier protested.

"You're the fussiest person I've ever met in me whole life, Dr. Crane. I really did try me best cleaning for your party."

Frasier turned around to see Daphne step out of the guest bathroom, holding a toilet brush in her hand and waving it at him in a gesture of disapproval. Martin shot his oldest son a reprimanding glance and Frasier looked away, abashed.

"I'm sorry, Daphne," he apologized. "You did a great job. It's just that this party _must_ go well! The one Cam Winston threw last week is the talk of the whole building!"

Martin exchanged an exasperated look with Daphne as Frasier once again railed against Cam Winston, whom he saw as a rival.

Moments before the guests were due to arrive, Frasier put the finishing touches on his living room. Everything was perfect, he thought with satisfaction as he stepped back to admire his work. Everything was ready just in time, for the doorbell rang at that moment.

"Welcome, welcome to my party!" Frasier said cordially as he opened the door. "Oh, it's you, Niles—or should I say, Jung."

Niles grinned as he adjusted a pair of wire-rimmed glasses.

"I wanted to be absolutely accurate, right down to the mustache. Do you really think I look like Charles Jung?"

"A spindly Charles Jung," Frasier snickered.

"I wouldn't laugh," Niles said, "not while you're wearing that generic Shakespeare costume. And…oh, hello…Daphne."

Frasier smiled as Niles noticed the one person who could always distract him. Daphne had just stepped into the living room. She was wearing a flowing, simple white dress with (as Niles immediately noted) a plunging neckline. The dress went down to her slender ankles, and she was wearing white stilettos that accentuated her gracefully tall figure.

"Daphne, you look _marvelous!_ " Niles said.

"Who are you supposed to be, Daphne?" Frasier asked.

"Marilyn Monroe, but me blonde wig kept falling off and pulling me hair. Now I'm just a woman in a white dress."

"And a very good-looking woman you are, too," Niles said.

"That's very sweet of you, Dr. Crane."

The doorbell rang once again, and Frasier opened the door to admit Roz, who had pulled off the 'Hillary Clinton look' very well, from a blonde wig that was like Hillary's own hairstyle to the familiar pantsuit. And right behind Roz, wearing a suit and a short grey wig, was Bulldog.

"He insisted on being Bill Clinton," Roz said, rolling her eyes. "Not that it's inaccurate. They do share some…interests."

"So, we both like a good-looking woman," Bulldog drawled, to Frasier's consternation. He hadn't wanted to invite Bulldog, but in inviting Roz, he felt he should invite the rest of the KACL staff.

Within a few minutes, everyone was gathered—Gil Chesterton as Wolfgang Puck, Kenny as Winston Churchill, Noel as Leonard Nimoy, and Father Mike as pope John Paul II.

The other guests soon joined the rest: Cam Winston, who had come dressed as Theodore Roosevelt, was quickly followed by Mrs. Fontaine, the condominium board president. She had tried (and, Frasier thought, failed) to look like Jackie Kennedy. Then was Alistair, the head of the opera society board (dressed as Fred Astaire) and Madeleine Roberts, owner of the finest winery in Washington State. She was in a very unconvincing Cleopatra costume, but the Crane brothers flattered her with excessive praise.

"I'm glad you're all here," Frasier said, and was about to give a welcoming speech when Martin and Eddie came into the living room. All attention was diverted from Frasier as his guests noticed Eddie.

"Oh, he's so _cute_ in his little costume!" Roz exclaimed.

"Come here, little buddy!" Cam said, reaching out to scratch Eddie's chin.

"What a charming creature," Gil intoned.

As the guests—even the uptight Mrs. Fontaine—cooed over Eddie, Frasier glowered resentfully. Martin caught his eye and gave a provoking grin, which did nothing to improve Frasier's mood. This was _his_ party, and a ridiculously dressed Jack Russell terrier was the center of it now!

* * *

 **A/N: I made some minor changes in canon. Father Mike is still at KACL (he was fired in Season 3) and Cam Winston appears early.**


	2. Roz's War

"All right, everyone, let's start this party!" Frasier said loudly.

The guests finally turned away from Eddie, who looked thrilled by the attention. The little dog trotted after the guests as they joined Frasier at the appetizer table. There was a selection of gourmet cheeses on water crackers, cucumber slices on pita chips, and some fancy sausage on rye crisps. Cam reached for a sausage crisp, and Frasier waited tensely, wondering if the food was going to 'pass the test'.

"Martin, do you mind if I give your little buddy a sausage?" Cam asked, and Frasier looked mortified, especially when Martin grinned.

"Go ahead! Eddie loves sausage!"

"Dad! That sausage is a rare kind imported from Germany! I had to go all the way to Portland to—,"

"Aw, shut your big bazoo," Martin said. He watched as Eddie snapped up the sausage treat and wagged politely.

"What a _darling_ creature," Mrs. Fontaine said. "My grandfather raised Jack Russel terriers in his days. They're very smart dogs."

"Why don't you give him a piece of that cheese and Eddie will do a trick for you," Martin said, greatly pleased by how happy his canine friend was with the attention.

"Dad! Not my aged Brie from Switzerland!"

It was too late. Mrs. Fontaine followed Martin's instructions and was able to get Eddie to turn in a circle and then stand up on his hind legs while waving a booted paw. Everyone in the room was fixated on Martin's beloved pet and Frasier did not like the feeling of being ignored. Drawing a deep breath to calm down, he clapped his hands, regaining his guests' attention.

"Now, I know you are all quite entertained by Eddie, but it's time to move on. I thought we would have some wine and play a game."

"Come on, boy," Martin said. "Let's go for a walk."

"You and Eddie are going out in public in your costumes?" Frasier wailed.

"Aw, shut your big bazoo," his father repeated, rolling his eyes. "It's Halloween. Nobody's going to care."

Frasier sighed heavily before waving his hand dismissively. Perhaps Martin would be the laughingstock of the park, but it did get Eddie out of the house. Now the party could move on as planned. After pouring wine for everyone, Frasier announced that he wanted to propose a game. For the first time that evening, everyone looked interested—that is, until Frasier spoke.

"I'm going to give you three quotes from a notable person, and you have to guess which quote is wrong."

"I'm definitely gonna need wine for this!" Roz said.

Bulldog grinned at her. "We don't have to stay, _Hillary_ ," he said in a terrible interpretation of President Clinton's voice. "Why don't we leave and I'll show you how 'diplomatic' this president can be?"

Roz sidled closer to Daphne and both women gave Bulldog a look of sheer disgust.

"Thanks, but between that and Frasier's boring game I'd choose the latter."

Frasier looked insulted, but he excused himself to his office, where he gathered several sheets of paper with quotations written on it. For a moment he questioned his decision to host this game. How many of his guests would know quotes from greats such as Cicero or Freud? His guests' tastes were all very different from his. On the other hand, Frasier thought (rather foolishly at that), this game might encourage people to expand their minds.

A commotion from the living room interrupted Frasier's thoughts. Roz's voice pierced the air, angry and insulted, followed by Noel's voice.

"Roz, let him go, he's not worth it!"

"The hell he is! He's a creep! He's getting what he deserves!"

Mrs. Fontaine shrieked just as Frasier bolted into the living room, only to be greeted by an alarming sight. Roz was in full pursuit of Bulldog, who was dodging behind furniture to avoid her. Neither of them were listening to the protests of the others until Father Mike managed to grab Roz hand and pull her back.

"Take a deep breath, Miss Doyle, and ignore him. Grace is the best rev—,"

"Oh, cram it, churchy," Roz hissed. "He _insulted_ me!"

"Hey, I was just pointing out that even in that pantsuit you have a fine looking—,"

Roz lunged at him again, and in his haste, Bulldog knocked over a chair with a crash.

"STOP THIS MADNESS!" Frasier bellowed. "Look at yourselves!"

Mrs. Fontaine and Mrs. Roberts looked at him in horror, and Mrs. Roberts paled. Without another word, they both flounced out of Frasier's apartment.

He stared as the door slammed behind them. Well, there went his chance to become vice president of the condominium board—and, worse of all, being in Mrs. Roberts' favor. His dream of getting a co-ownership of a prestigious winery were in ashes.

At that moment, there was a loud knock on the door.

"That must be Dad and Eddie," Frasier muttered. "Maybe he can talk Roz down."

But it was not Martin and his faithful pet who were waiting at the door.

Two stout, authoritative police officers were standing there, looking extremely stern.

"Is…is there a problem here, officers?" Frasier asked weakly.

"Yeah, we got a tip about a domestic dispute at this apartment."


	3. Frasier's Victory

It did not look very good for Frasier. The officer immediately saw Bulldog, who was standing behind the fallen chair and nervously eyeing Roz, who was being held back by Kenny. Noel, emboldened by the fact that Bulldog appeared too frightened to move, was shouting crude words at him, glancing at Roz from time to time to see if she was impressed by what he saw as valor.

"I'm Officer Nelson. May I ask what's going on?"

Frasier had taken off his Shakespeare wig and beard and attempted to explain.

"Not a domestic dispute. There was just a little—disturbance among my guests."

Father Mike removed his papal hat and robe so that the policeman could see he was a "real" priest—hoping that his presence made the whole thing seem more respectable. It worked; the policeman seemed a little less hostile as he assessed the situation. Roz, finally realizing what was happening, calmed down. She replaced the turned-over chair and apologized to Bulldog, who accepted hastily and scurried over to Cam as if expecting protection.

"Just another party gone a bit out of hand," Officer Nelson commented.

"A little," Frasier apologized. "I'm sorry, Officer Nelson. Very sorry."

"All right…just don't let this happen again," the policeman said.

"I won't, sir."

The officer had just turned away when Marty came hurrying in. His eyes widened when he saw the nervous-looking guests and the officer, who still looked somewhat severe.

"Bill, what's wrong? Did something happen?" Martin asked.

"Don't worry, Marty," Officer Nelson said calmly. "These fine folks were celebrating a little too hard. Someone mistook it as a domestic dispute and called me up here, but I'll let it go, no harm was done."

As soon as the door closed behind the officer, Marty shook his head at his oldest son, who was going through dozens of apologies in his head, but he couldn't think of just how to word it. Worse of all, when he turned around, he saw Cam Winston by the wine table, twirling a glass absently while grinning in great amusement. Thank God that things were calm now and that Roz and Bulldog appeared civil. Frasier remembered one of his mother's favorite sayings— _least said, soonest mended_. No need to complicate things with an apology.

Martin stalked away, clearly still embarrassed.

"I think I'm going to leave," Father Mike said, coming up to Frasier and shaking his hand. "It was a very…er, interesting party, but I have a very early Mass tomorrow."

"I'm sorry I was such a jerk and yelled at you," Roz said to the priest.

"Do not worry, Miss Doyle," Father Mike replied. "We're none of us perfect."

Soon afterward, the rest of the guests began to disperse, until only Cam Winston was left. Frasier's imagined rival reached out and shook Frasier's hand—and _smiled_.

"That was _brilliant_ , Frasier!" Cam exclaimed.

"What was?" Frasier said blankly.

"Are you kidding? The whole thing! Roz and Bulldog were excellent! You'd think they were really fighting! Trust you to trick us into thinking we were going to play a boring game! Even those snooty ladies that walked out were convinced!"

"I…" Frasier began helplessly.

"Hey, I'll have to tell the whole building what a great party you gave! And here I was thinking it would be stuffy and boring."

As Cam retreated, closing the door behind him, Frasier clenched his fist in victory. He'd impressed and shown up Cam Winston and he'd done it without trying! Ignoring Niles's and Daphne's looks of disapproval, Frasier gave a gloating grin and hurried over to the telephone. He needed to call Roz and Bulldog and tell them that they had to pretend their whole argument had been planned. His brother and Daphne looked even more disapproving as Frasier spoke.

"I thought you were above this juvenile malarkey," Niles told Frasier.

"You're too uptight, dear brother," Frasier said almost gleefully.

"If I may speak frankly, Dr. Crane, this kind of thing never turns out well," Daphne said. "During high school, me brother, Nigel, was always trying to get the better of this bloke named Paul, but he eventually ended up embarrassing himself. I don't need to be psychic to tell you that if this goes too far, it will all come crashing down on you."

Frasier glowered at his audience.

"You two are no fun," he said, stalking away.

Already he was thinking of next year's Halloween party. How would he ever top this?

 **THE END**

* * *

 _ **A/N:** Sorry for the delay! I thought I had posted this last chapter on time, but something got messed up!  
_


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